


but who can remember pain, once it’s over

by mitsuhamiyamizi



Category: The Two Princes (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Memories, Memory Loss, The Two Princes Season 2, anyway i had fun w this!!, hope u enjoy :)), i wrote this in one sitting please, some mentions of death, their s2 relationship....SO much potential it's insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29325822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitsuhamiyamizi/pseuds/mitsuhamiyamizi
Summary: Are laughter and tears and hope and love memories too?ORMemory loss isn't easy. And it isn't easy on Rupert. A character study in thoughts and memories on the topic of remembrance.
Relationships: Amir/Rupert (Two Princes Podcast)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	but who can remember pain, once it’s over

**Author's Note:**

> hi y'all!!  
> this is my first ever fic for this fandom. there was just too much potential in their season 2 relationship, i couldn't NOT do this.  
> anyway, hope you enjoy!

When the sun shines, when the wind blows, when the air is warm, is it all a memory? 

When a smile cracks through the dirt and the water is crystal clear, is it all a memory? Are laughter and tears and hope and  _ love _ memories too? 

Because memories are breakable, and Rupert knows this. Rupert knows that memories are breakable and they’ll break when you don’t want them to, like some sort of bad hardware, so he sits and makes irrational wishes that the memories aren’t breakable memories. Because when the smoke clears and everything looks the same and  _ my god _ it looks the  _ same _ nothing’s  _ changed _ it’s  _ impossible _ he laughs and cries and hopes and loves, and it all becomes a memory. 

And everything’s the same, everything’s perfect, and there is no blood on no wounds and it’s just a quiet, quiet sleep and he can feel the fear sinking deep into him as he shakes Amir awake. And it’s memories that did this to him, isn’t it? 

Because when he opens his eyes, and good  _ god _ , he can open his eyes, and when he wakes up, his eyes are the same color, and his arms are pushing him up, and he’s there he’s working, but then he looks to Rupert and his eyes are colored over with confusion grey and his arms are drawn at his sides and he’s looking at Rupert, all blank and colorless and empty. 

He asks, “Where am I?” and Rupert’s hands reflexively move forward because that’s a question he knows the answer to, but Amir flinches back and stares. “Who are you?” And then the sun is shining and the wind is blowing and the air is colder than it was this morning and Rupert knows this is some kind of sick joke. 

There’s nothing crazy about their rushed love and their rushed friendship, it happens all the time and it’s  _ wonderful _ because love is a memory and memories stay, don’t they? They stay, don’t they?  _ They stay they stay they stay _ and no amount of magic can change that. No amount of magic can take away the friendship, no amount of magic can take away the love, but he’s sitting on the ground in the middle of everything he owns, no, everything  _ they _ own, and he’s watching brown eyes dull with confusion, watching a woman he doesn’t know stand over him like an old oak as everything we wants stares back at him with an empty gaze. 

And then a smile cracks through the dirt, and Rupert has hope, he has  _ hope _ and he knows it could happen, it  _ can— _ but it’s a mindless smile, like a new angel fallen, like new hope, like memories lost. And the crystal clear water is still crystal clear and things have changed, he  _ knows _ that things have changed and everything’s so different but every word still hurts. 

Every friendly look and loveless touch still hurts like a sword to his chest and Amir told him once that taking the blade out hurts more, it hurts faster, and you’ll die twice, but all he wants to do is pull out the blade and leave it out somewhere and he might die twice but it’s the calm after the storm that’s prettier, isn’t it? 

So he won’t take out the blade. No, he’ll leave it there, because dying isn’t saving and it’s the saving that he wants to do, but how does he save someone who doesn’t want saving? 

Now they’re at the crystal clear water and everything’s different because Amir’s happy. He’s happy in a way he was never happy before, and Rupert can see it in the carelessness of his walk, the contentment in his eyes, like all he wants is for life to keep going so he can stand on the outside and ignore it. 

Rupert tells himself it’s good. It’s good to see Amir happy. It’s good to see Amir happy, because he loves him, and you want people you love to be happy, you want the love of your life to be happy. 

Except he isn’t the love of your life anymore, is he? He’s not the same person because he’s changed, everything’s changed, and maybe he doesn’t want this Amir to be happy. Maybe he wants this Amir to be miserable, because then the other Amir might come back, and—  _ oh _ . 

Amir’s right, isn’t he? It hurts, but he’s still right,  _ isn’t he _ ? Rupert doesn’t like making decisions, and so he leaves this one to make itself. Amir’s eyes are colored over orange with anger and defiance, colored over blue with contentment, and Rupert looks into them to say he’s sorry, to say goodbye, and he sees the beautiful brown of Amir’s eyes, and he tightens his hands on the hilt of his sword and gives a smile, a little goodbye smile, and he feels the pain of it deep into his bones. 

Amir’s shoulders are thrown back, gaze defiant, and Rupert looks into everything and nothing, broken memories and wishes and hopes and crystal clear water and dirt caked smiles and the shining sun, and he leaves. 

Rupert doesn’t like to cry. He doesn’t like the feeling of tears on his face, and this time, he’s alone in the crystal clear water, and his legs are trembling and he’s underwater, cheeks puffed, eyes open, and he can’t feel the tears on his face and it feels good. 

What would it be like to stay here awhile? Under the water, under his thoughts? He sits there, legs trembling, eyes burning in the crystal clear water. And he takes his memories, and slowly breaks them into pieces. 

Memories are breakable, Rupert knows this. And they break nicely, too, across their little cracks and into little fragments and they dissipate into the air but they seem to go faster here, underwater. 

He takes the wishes and the hopes and he breaks them first, because things have changed, things are changing, everything is different and nothing is the same. And when the sun shines, when the wind blows, when the air is warm, is it all a memory? When a smile cracks through the dirt and the water is crystal clear, is it all a memory? Are laughter and tears and hope and  _ love _ memories too? 

Because here, with his burning eyes and his burning head, here under the water, everything seems to dissipate and the memories are broken fragments. 

And so Rupert takes the sword out of his chest and dies twice. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it! let me know what you think :)
> 
> scream at me at @kamadevis on tumblr.
> 
> FAQ: 
> 
> Q: "why isn't this tagged 'major character death'?"  
> A: he doesn't die! it's a metaphor, hazel grace :)


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